november 10(saturday) - hot...quiet...alone...books strewn...wait...a very long wait...everything seems slow...boredom strikes easily in these times...didnt utter a word the whole day until i decided to get some food and talked to the shopkeeper...another long wait....then slumber when dawn closed up on me...

 

november 11-13(sunday & monday & tuesday) - hot again...psych 2mrw...panicking mentally but calm and quiet...music plays...once again only me, books and the laptop...quiet and noisy at the same time...spoke to someone but hardly rmb who...night falls...bread only for dinner...coffee as well...facebook and msn only form of communication...stressed...annoyed...thankfully there are others who are in the same ordeal...didnt feel alone...collapse again at dawn and awoke at 7.30am the nxt day...psych in a few hours...god...very unpleasant feeling the whole day...nauseous...maybe due to lack of sleep...so i slept after lunch...

Night falls once again...happiness filled my heart as i was able to see my love of 3 months but which i have loved ever since we met...had the food of our motherland...a red letter she wrote...fills my heart with ecstasy...made my long ordeal studying for psych gone...after kisses and hugs...depart...ended up with some friends in their home and played the night away...it was just wat i needed...a fix...a remedy...a fill for my stupor-ish mind...didnt sleep till 7am...which is yes 24 hours since i last slept..back hurts...eyes hurt...brain wants to switch off...

 

November 14(Wednesday) - hmm history repeats itself...same quietness same loneliness and temperature...books strewn...another long wait...for 2mrw and for friday...exagerations...walls closing in...but something to look forward to...a sense of liberty and freedom...so mad at things...so mad...need something good to happen to me...to wake me up again...someday the dream will end...thats what i'm listening n thinking about...

 

dont take this post seriously...i'm just saying watever came on top of my head...like this...i want sex...

Fuck exams...they are not enjoyable...since born keep being told what to do...how to behave...what to study...what to do...yea...always told what to do...its just not fair...how come we are always controlled by someone or something...there is freedom but really ultimate or extreme freedom seems like a fantasy...

 

THUS, when i die...i dont wanna go heaven or hell...maybe not even purgatory...

 

WHEN I DIE I'M GONNA CREATE MY OWN WORLD...WHERE EVERYTHING I MAKE IN IT WILL BE TO MY LIKINGS AND I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT TO DO WITH IT... NO ONE TO TAKE ORDERS FROM...YES THE PATH TO ULTIMATE FREEDOM...

 

to achieve this...should be quite simple maybe...just refuse to go to either place...when ur a soul or whatever and flying flying around... just dont make a decision to either go to the pearly gates or the infernal gates...instead of north south east or west...why not go UP or DOWN??

 

to do that VERY EASY...LISTEN CLOSELY...when about to die right...don't think about ANYTHING BUT YOU MUST THINK AND BELIEVE HARD in WHAT YOU DESIRE and you wake up or regain conciousness YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF IN A PLACE THAT YOU DESIRED...be it a paradise or planetary metropolis or a jungle haven OR EVEN U BEING GOD IN HEAVEN!!!...ITS ALL UP TO YOU TO BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN CONSTRUCT YOUR OWN AFTERLIFE / WORLD OR BETTER YET!!! A WHOLE NEW LIFE WHERE YOU ARE SUPREME AND CAN CHANGE THINGS ACCORDING TO YOUR HEART'S DESIRES !!!

 

NICE RIGHT!?!?....thats why ppl should not be afraid of dieing...but make sure you <<<LIVE YOUR LIFE>>> and only die when its time...BECAUSE I BELIEVE THERES NO SHORTCUTS TO OBTAINING FREEDOM, SANCTUARY, DESIRE AND MOST IMPORTANTLY <<<YOUR>>> PARADISE!! YES FELLOW BROTHERS AND SISTERS THIS IS MY DREAM AND BELIEF THAT I AM SHARING WITH YOU!! THIS IS ULTIMATE FREEDOM!!! NO NEED FOR TEMPLES OR PLACES OF WORSHIP AND ITS OPEN TO EVERYONE YES INCLUDING <<<YOU>>>

 

...JUST BELIEVE AND HAVE FAITH IN <<<YOUR>>> MIND!!! THIS <IS> THE PATH OF THE RIGHTEOUS!!!

 

and THIS...IS...ALL...THAT...IS...REQUIRED...OF...YOU...

 

Confidence. Faith. DESIRE. Integrity. Spirit. Strength. FREEDOM!!!

 

 

 

Bless me father for i have sinned...

 

FUCKING HELL I didn't do any work tonight!!! Suppose to at least finish half my essay!!!...

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Forgive me father for i have sinned...

 

Ate too much slept too much...even had thoughts of smoking...bah unhealthy...wheres my drink...i need it...

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Guide me through these troubled times lord...

 

goddammit...assignments ad tute works coming in like siao...business law test was crap...haihz swear too much also...

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May the holy spirit guide my path...

 

Watever...wheres the easy-way-out button...

lol i dont know bout u but i found this very funny...i was laughing like a cow in my head and chuckling on the outside...

 

<MSning with rachel>

Me: can u hear me?

rachel: No...

rachel: why...

Me: lol was that suppose to be a joke?

Me: yes i know u cant hear me

rachel: wat joke? huh? wth? <laugh laugh>

Wow..long break from blogging...Back in melb...i love melb...i hate melb...i love uni...i'd rather die than do another essay in uni...ok that was a lil extreme but still i dunno... sometimes i feel great...sometimes i feel shit...emotions are screwed...so why shud i stay sane??

 

Well ok..enuf bout that...lifes been smooth so far...i'm in uni...i got great frens both in msia n melb...but why is there that persistent hollow point? why must it come and go... Come on...what more could i want?? i shud be happy rite? Maybe i feel shit cuz i keep letting opportunity slip by my fingers all the time due to the lack of courage? but as much as i want it...i don't want it to change as well...i mea its all fine now...if i do something it might not be the same anymore...so thats why i just remain passive...